I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
