he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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