took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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