kristin has been a bad kristin
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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