Pants 0. Shit 1.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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