I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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