kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
