bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
