just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
