it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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