so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
