I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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