Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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