And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
