If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
