hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Farmville is her only friend.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
