Kiss
Puke
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
