; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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