This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's Friday. Sex?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
