I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
