i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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