the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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