i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My penis needs a shock collar
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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