TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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