Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
