You made me cry and you don't even care
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize