Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
