Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
