Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
