I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
