how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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