shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
