Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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