You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
