Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
