would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
