she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
