well you can't waste a boner
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
