I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Terrible idea I love it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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