hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
