When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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