the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
