what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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