I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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