and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
