it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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