im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
