Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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