I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
