i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
MIDGETS
????
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
