Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
