also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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