the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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