oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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