i don't plan on having that self control this summer
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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