Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
