Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
