I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
