Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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