How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
