I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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