wat bout pragnant strippers??
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
