what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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