wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know her cup size but not her name....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
