i don't like sucking hair
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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