If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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