thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
