I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Michael Bay diarrhea
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
